Saturday, August 1, 2009

Is Loneliness a Fact of Life?

I've never been what you might call a social butterfly. In fact, as a kid, I was horribly shy. I spent most of my formative years trying to fade into the background, terrified of being called on or noticed in any way.

Once I reached adulthood (or something like it), I forced myself to come out of my shell. Now I can make small talk with the best of them. Can even, in fact, approach a stranger at a party without fear making my heart feel like it's going to explode. But it doesn't come naturally. And I've never gotten good at making friends.

So now I find myself 500 miles or so from everyone I'm close to. Don't get me wrong. I've got friends here. People I can get a beer with, or invite over for dinner. We have fun. And I love them dearly.

But I can't seem to fully let my guard down. There's no one here who I feel like I can just call, out of the blue, and say, "Hey, PMS is a bitch this month. Wanna go get ice cream and listen to me whine?"

Maybe that's just part of growing up. My husband and my daughter have to come first now, and we have so little time to spend together, I'm reluctant to give any of those precious hours up. So I don't work on my other relationships like I should.

But I know I need to.

A few weekends ago, I went to a little get-together that one of my friends was having. It was just a few of us girls, and we sat around, drinking wine and bullshitting about make-up, and men, and whatever else came to mind. It was fantastic.

But even then, I felt like I was on the outside, looking in. I didn't feel like I was fully part of the group. I never do.

It's not their fault. It's mine. But I don't know how to fix it. Is it too late to learn how to make friends?


  1. We live where my husband spent his whole life- I grew up about 2 hours away. While his friends are still in the area- and have been his friends since childhood- I am sort of on the outside looking in as well. I have no history here. I cannot rehash old high school memories like he can with his other friends. Instead, I make friends with other wives.

    Though I really have an easy time of making friends, it is only recently, however, I've been making my own friends. Mostly due to the fact I am a gym rat and know a lot of people there.

    Still, I know what you are talking about. It's hard when you don't have real ties to your home base outside of your family.

  2. Making friends as an adult is harder than as a child. Mostly for the reasons you already listed.

    But one of the great things about having a child is it gets easier to make new friends. You suddenly have something in common with a huge population of women. You never know when that conversation that started out about the consistancy of baby poop will turn into life long confindants. Just keep trying!

  3. As long as you know you can call me any ole day that you want to bitch about your PMS, poopy diapers, lack of sleep or anything you want to!!!!!!

  4. I do know it! I was just in a really, really bad mood...the danger of having a blog is that you have the ability to broadcast your stinky moods to the world..

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