Tuesday, June 1, 2010

Hey Buddy, My Eyes Are Up Here!

At work, I'm surrounded by talk of boobs. There's the maternity campaign I'm working on. And the breast cancer campaign. And the girl who just had a boob job. And the myriad of crass boob jokes that go along with working in an ad agency.

Even so, I'm generally not all that aware of my own. Boobs, that is. Since having Tori they've become utilitarian things. Utilitarian things that require a lot of under wire and gravity defying support devices to look like even a shadow of their former selves.

Which is why, when the guy behind the counter at the sandwich shop took my order while ogling my chest, I became instantaneously paranoid.

Did I have a button undone?

Had I forgotten to put on a bra?

Was there some weird stain on my chest?

Was I having a freakish moment of out-of-nowhere lactation?

A quick look down assured me that no, none of these things was taking place. And still the guy stared.

What in God's name was he looking at? Had I sprouted a third nipple?

Somehow, I stammered out the rest of my order, face flushing beet red.  As my arms crossed protectively over my chest, he finally looked up - and had the good grace to look mildly ashamed of himself.

But not enough to keep his gaze at eye level.

Finally, I turned away, pretending to stare with intense fascination at the freezer case full of hams. So intense, in fact, that the guy had to ask me three times if I needed anything else before I heard him.

I mutely shook my head no, arms still clamped across my boobs. And at that point, the universe decided to have mercy on me. Mr. Ogleton headed to the back, leaving another, much less disconcerting employee to ring me up.

It was only later, when I was driving back to the office, that it occurred to me I should be flattered. Someone not required by law to find me attractive had clearly found my chest at least a little bit impressive.

I'm going to go ahead and take that as a compliment...and as an excuse to splurge on Victoria's Secret bras more often.


  1. Hey, any excuse to shop at VS is a good excuse to me.

  2. Was it the V.S. bra OR the air of confidence you exuded from the V.S. bra.

    Maybe you were holding up your head a little higher while the girls were being held up a little higher..

    Just sayin' ....

  3. LOL @ the third nipple comment!

    Oh my!!

    Boobs, all females have them so why can't the male species look UP for a change?


    Maybe we need to start looking at their package and see how they like it, No?

  4. Yea, I don't know...it still would have bothered me since he was so obvious and unrelenting about it. Kind of skeevy.

  5. Men are perverts. That is all.

  6. Nobody ever sees my boobs because they are oh so freakishly small........like 32aa small. I buy my bras in the same section where I buy my daughter's clothing...she's FIVE years old.

  7. I agree with Tracie. :)

    Also, I, too, would be too creeped out and uncomfortable to be flattered ... until later when I would feel MILFy and ready for action.

  8. As someone who considers their boobs my two favorite accessories, I say take it as a compliment. :-)


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