Thursday, February 11, 2010

The Do's and Don'ts of Valentine's Day (for the hopelessly unromantic).

My husband is a wonderful man. He's kind, generous and wickedly funny. He's unafraid to help around the house—but is no slouch when it comes to tasks that involve power tools. Even better, he's just as quick to change a stinky diaper as he is to kill the menacing spider that sent me screaming from the room. In short, he's a fantastic husband (and that concludes the sucking up portion of this post).

His one fault (at least, that we're going to talk about today)? He doesn't have a romantic bone in his body. Not one. Seriously. As you can imagine, this has led to more than a few tears over the years—and the establishment of a few ground rules:

First, don't believe your Valentine when she says she doesn't want anything. This is a lie. It doesn't have to be anything big (small velvet boxes are always welcome), but she does want to know you thought of her.

Do spend some quality time at Hallmark picking out a card you know she'll enjoy. Just do it—even if you have to bring a vomit bag to sop up the results of all that force-fed saccharine.

Don't underestimate the power of flowers. Specifically, flowers delivered to the office by a professional paid to do just that. Yes, they're ridiculously overpriced. But that overpriced floral arrangement will make her the envy of every woman around her (and you the knight in shining armor).

Do take her on a date. I don't care how many years you've been together or how many kids are underfoot. Take her somewhere special. Not necessarily anywhere expensive (I believe one year we went to Burger King)—any place you can focus on the two of you will do.

Don't forget that sometimes it really is the thought that counts. When it comes to Valentine's Day presents, the best gifts are often the ones that cost the least. On one of our first Valentine's Days together, my husband made me a mix tape. That's it. Just a mix tape of special songs, like the one he sang for me at our Senior All Night Party. But you know what? I still have it (and yes, I'm aware I just dated myself).

Do think beyond the lingerie department. Now I happen to have a thing for pretty underthings, so it's okay in our house. But most women?  Would rather get a box of chocolate covered cockroaches than see that distinctive Vicky's Secret box.

Don't be afraid to think outside of the traditional Valentine's Day box.  Sometimes the best gifts are things that your Valentine really needs, but would never think to ask for (just ask the Existential Waitress).

Do surprise her every once in a while. Chocolates, flowers and fancy dinners are great. But if you really want to make her starry-eyed? Do something completely unexpected (check out this post by Mommy Melee for inspiration).

Don't forget to tell her you love her.  And that you think she's sexy. And that she's most the beautiful woman in the world.  And not just on Valentine's Day. She needs to know she's special every single day of the year. Because, you know what? She thinks you're pretty awesome too.

But before you hit the mall, head over to Mama Kat's and see what the other workshoppers have to say.


  1. That is a great list that needs to be sent to all the men of the world. The last one is especially true...and as the "bad" wife I am...I need the reminder to tell him nice things too.
    504 Main

  2. That is a perfect list!! I am still laughing at "Do think beyond the lingerie department." Yes, PLEASE! ;)

  3. this is a great post!

    and I totally agree with the fact that small velvet boxes are always a good choice!

  4. Excellent post! Can we syndicate you and get this to all our husbands in the next few days????

  5. that's hysterical! i love it! thanks so much for the sweet comment on my Love Story post. all of your posts crack me up!!

  6. Chocolate covered cockroaches. Awesome.

  7. @Holly and @Susan...Feel free to digg, tweet or whatever the heck you do to spread posts around...or just email it to your hub. ;-) I'm hoping mine reads this...

    As for the rest of you ladies...I'm glad I made you smile. ;-)

  8. Great list! And I'm with you on the Victoria's Secret thing!

  9. Awww can you tell my husband, because he's got like, negative romantic bones in his body...

  10. Man, oh, man, did you hit the nail on the head with the chocolate covered cockroaches! I'd much rather have those than something slinky that lasts all but 2 seconds!

    Great list. I think I might email it to my hubby too!!

  11. Hahahha, my husband says he chuckles every time one of these sort of lists come on the radio, because it doesn't apply to his wife! I'd kill him if he had flowers delivered. I'd be pissed if he gave me candy. I don't like jewelry. I'm the antithesis of most women on Valentines Day. Just give me a peck on the cheek and acknowledge its Valentines Day and I'm good.

  12. God has greatly gifted you
    I enjoyed visiting your blog
    God Bless;

  13. hahaha great post. I may leave the laptop open on this page and place it in a strategic position somewhere in the house....


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