Monday, October 19, 2009

Working Moms vs. Stay At Home Moms: Can't We All Just Get Along?

In the last week alone, I've seen...well, I don't even know how many articles pitting working moms against stay at home moms. The latest, just posted on Twitter by Mom Logic, was blistering in its criticism against moms who don't work.

Others have come out heavily in favor of the stay at home, or "full time" mom, insinuating those that work (and send their children to day care), are doing their children a disservice.

I don't get it, Internet. Why, after all this time, do we still have to have this fight? According to the issue of Time magazine that just hit the stands, The State of the American Womanalmost 40 percent of the women who work (and nearly half of us do) are the primary breadwinners.

That leads me to believe that for many moms, working is not an option. It's a necessity. I know it is for my family.

But, by the same token, 51 percent of us believe it's better for everyone if the mother stays home. And somehow, I doubt that every single woman in that 51 percent is, in fact, a stay at home mom.

So why do we have to criticize each other's choices?

I mean, sure, to those of us who go to work every day, the life of a stay at home mom can seem kind of cushy at times. It's easy to view their lives through those famous rose colored glasses, thinking that if only we had that luxury, we'd have it made.

But honestly? Stay at home moms work hard. Very hard. And kids? Usually don't think to say thank you for managing their schedules, fixing them lunch, and doing their laundry. They're not the best conversationalists, either.

Think about it. When was the last time, after spending a day caring for your kids,  you felt rested, relaxed and totally on top of everything? I'm willing to bet that most of you find yourself exhausted at the end of the day (I know I do).

At least those of us who have careers get rewarded for our efforts—and a paycheck.

That's not to say working moms have it made. Far from it. I can't speak for other women, but I assure you not a day goes by that I'm not wracked with guilt. I worry about the things I'm missing out on. Wonder if she'll think I'm gone too much. Even fear she won't love me as much as she otherwise would.

And when I come home from work? The job of managing a household still remains. I just have less time to do it in. I have a wonderful husband who pulls his weight around the house, making the job easier, but not every woman is so lucky.

So what am I trying to say? Nothing revolutionary. Nothing that hasn't been said a hundred times before. But saying it one more time can't hurt.

Stop throwing hurtful words at each other. Stop judging each other. We're all, each and every one of us, doing the best we can. Being a mom is a tough job, no matter how you look at it.

Can't we all just get along?


  1. Exactly! Well written article! I like it. I personally like staying at homw, it fulfills me like nothing else can. I love my children, after all they are only young once.

  2. Although my brain was screaming at me not to, I felt compelled to click the link and read the article. I have to say that my gut reaction after reading it is a big "F YOU!" to the author. If she can do all her s-it AND run rings around me, I'll eat my hat. What a bitch.

    I agree with you, Amber. We should salute each other for the work that we do, and the effort that it takes. And let the rest of it go.

  3. HI stopping by from SITS~ Great post!I agree with you! I've been both and each has it's good and bad!!We should all be supportive of each ohter always!! stop by!I am following you now

  4. This is an awesome post. Technically, I am a SAHM. I don't work a full-time job but I am a full-time grad student, so, I don't know, maybe it puts me somewhere in between. I'm home physically, but not mentally b/c I'm usually studying or doing homework. I feel guilty every day that I can't spend every day out at the park or doing other activities for kids because, otherwise, I wouldn't get my work done. In the end, I'm going to school to ensure that I can always take care of my children even though I feel like it's taking me away from my children right now.
    Any way you cut it, being a mom is extremely hard work...I'm glad for the job though. We all need to continue doing the best thing for our families and call it a day.

  5. I agree whole heartedly. Each of us are different and we all do the thing that's right for us. That's what's most important.

  6. Such a hot button issue! I just had this conversation today at my annual GYN visit (I was wearing the flimsy gown for it too). My doctor asked how I liked staying home, then stayed to talk for way too long (I was naked and covered only by the FLIMSY GOWN) as she justified her decision to be a working mom. People don't need to sell me on their need to work, nor should they say things like "aren't you lucky?" Each woman should just make sure she's comfortable with her own decision!

  7. I AM SOOOOOOO on your page. I absolutely hate it when women go at each other for these choices. I think it is so arrogant and single minded to pass judgment on others because a certain choice is right for you. You have NO idea what is going on in another person's life. It is such a personal decision, and as you say, for some, they don't have a CHOICE but to work. Ladies out there, respect each other for the personal decisions we all make.
    FABULOUS post.

  8. Neither choice, or the myriad of in betweens, are easy. They all have pros and cons. I have to say, as a career woman I used to laugh at SAHMs who said how hard their lives were. Boy do I regret that now, because this? This SAHM gig? Is the HARDEST job I've ever had. Where's our Union? I demand more breaks and overtime pay!

  9. Ohhh I am SO with you. To each their own. . . if you wanna stay home, DO IT. And if you don't wanna, then DON'T. No guilt (from yourself or others). Can't we all be friends? Peace, love, babies. . . . .


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