Friday, May 15, 2009

Halfway Through...

Today, Victoria is six weeks old. Which also means my maternity leave is half over. And boy am I glad I decided to take the whole twelve weeks.

I simply can't imagine heading back to work on Monday. Why? Well, first of all, I have no clothes that fit. And I mean none. My husband insisted that I throw out all my fat clothes last year when I got skinny(ish). Which felt very good at the time. But now? I wish I had just one pair of fat pants (or shorts) that fit. Because my skinny clothes? They don't even fit over my hips at this point (at least not without a lot of uncomfortable gymnastic moves). When I try to button them, the universe just laughs.

But even if I did have the appropriate clothing to wear, I wouldn't have the appropriate number of brain cells needed to actually do my job. The overwhelming level of sleep deprivation I'm currently suffering from has seen to that. Example? I was trying to think of something clever to say there. But I've got nothing.

Funny story? Today, I decided to take the baby with me to Lowes (couldn't exactly  leave her at home, could I?). So I got us both bathed and dressed, got her diaper bag together, unlocked the car and put her inside. At which point I realized I had no idea where I had put my keys.

So I dug around in her car seat. Took it out  to see if they were underneath. Dug through the perma-layer of garbage on the floor. Emptied the diaper bag out on to the lawn. Followed by the contents of  my purse.  I even combed through the grass to see if they had fallen somewhere.

Twenty minutes later, about to give up and call Brian, I happened to look up at the roof of the car. Where my keys sat gleaming, along with the granola bar I had meant to eat before leaving.

Yeah. So I don't think I'm quite ready to become a fully functional member of society yet.

And even if I was? I don't think I could bring myself to leave Tori yet. Granted, I lucked out in the childcare arena and found my own personal Mary Poppins (actually, someone even better) to watch her. But I can't even stand to have her in another room at this point. Never mind a different zip code.

Let's put it this way. I used to wonder how any sane woman could stand to abandon her career to become a stay at home mom. It boggled my mind. But now I totally get it (and I'm a little jealous of them).

Not that I'm planning on going that route. I absolutely HAVE to work. And I love my job (hear that, coworkers and bosses?). But it's going to kill me, just a little, the first time I have to leave her (and maybe every day thereafter).

Good thing I still have six weeks to get used to the idea. Maybe by then, I really will be ready to fly the coop and get back to my real life. If nothing else, hopefully by then I'll have something that least with the help of a rubber band.

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