Saturday, April 3, 2010

She is One.

Back when I was trying to get pregnant, time seemed to move in slow motion. I was stuck in limbo, waiting for that little pink line to reveal itself so life could move forward once more.

Then, finally, I got my wish.

During those first weeks of pregnancy, I was so terrified of losing her I hardly dared breathe. But she held on, grew on, and before I knew it, the ultrasound technician was exclaiming, "it's a girl!"

Then I blinked and I was in the cold, cold operating room, numb from the neck down. I was calm. So calm. But then I heard her first angry howl and the tears broke free, rushing recklessly down my cheeks.

I blinked again and we were snuggled up together in my hospital room, her perfect little face scrunching up, her mouth gaping open like a hungry baby bird. I stroked her red cheek, heart cracking into a thousand little pieces as I fell hopelessly in love with this tiny stranger.

I closed my eyes for a moment and suddenly we were home. Alone. She was curled up in the crook of my elbow and together we dreamed, living as one being, united against the outside world.

I drifted off and when I awoke, I was chatting on the phone with a good friend as she stared up at the animals on her play gym...and rolled over. Over the moon with excitement, I screamed for Brian and we stared, waiting anxiously for her to do it again...

Then I blinked, and it was time to head back to work. I held her close, drinking in the sweet scent of her hair as the silent sobs wrenched themselves from the depths of my soul.

I put a cool washcloth against my fevered brow, and when I removed it, she was sitting up on her own, playing with a daisy from the garden.

My eyes crinkled with joyous laughter and when the giggles faded, she was creeping across the floor like a soldier in the bush, headed for the nearest treasure trove of illegal playthings.

I dove for her scrambling feet and by the time my belly hit the ground she was pulling herself up on the couch, laughing uproariously as she reached for Kermit's toes.

I rubbed my eyes, sure I was seeing things, and when I took my hands away, she was reaching for me, the word "mama" falling from her lips.

Again the tears started, and I dashed them away as I bent to pick her up. Once she was safely ensconced in my arms, I glanced up at the calendar.

It read April 3, 2010.

Somehow, an entire year has raced by. Somehow, my seven pound peanut has grown into a twenty two pound toddler. She's now a little girl with a ferocious temper, an infectious smile and the ability to steal my heart all over again with a single glance.

Incredibly, my beautiful baby is one.

Excuse me while I go wipe the tears away again.


  1. What a fantastic post! Seems like time went SO slowly when we were younger and in such a hurry to "grow up." Now, it goes MUCH too fast.

  2. Happy Birthday, Tori!

  3. yes. yes, it is so true, they grow up so fast!
    My oldest will be 11 in july.
    I still can't believe it and get teary eyed still when i think she will be entering middle school next yr.
    CRAZY huh?
    Loved this post, though.

  4. Oh, you reminded me of my life.

    So many things have happened, and I've forgotten about them. How we are all like a book.

    I waited so long for my first baby,too. Finally of all finallys, I had him at 36 years old. I've forgotten about the wonder of it all. How I finally held him.

    Thank you for taking me back there.

    Beautiful, just beautiful.

    Excuse me, while I go and wipe away tears.

  5. Their birthdays are so emotional, aren't they? Happy b-day to your little girl!

  6. wow, this is such a fantastic post. happy birthday to your little girl, (and to you too :)

    p.s my due date is today -april 3- i only have about 7 days left but hey, ya never know!

  7. whoops, i meant i have 7 hours left (in the day)

  8. That was lovely!!! Happy birthday to your precious little girl. (And good job, Mommy)

  9. What a beautiful, beautiful post - happy birthday to your little girl!

  10. This seriously is a great post. Happy Birthday, kiddo!

  11. Aww, what a beautifully written post and so true. Mine just turned one as well. How is it that a year has already gone by? Happy birthday to your baby girl!


Feed my blogging habit and leave me a comment! Oh, and if you do me a favor and make sure your email isn't blocked, we can keep this conversation from being one-sided!