Saturday, April 3, 2010

She is One.

Back when I was trying to get pregnant, time seemed to move in slow motion. I was stuck in limbo, waiting for that little pink line to reveal itself so life could move forward once more.

Then, finally, I got my wish.

During those first weeks of pregnancy, I was so terrified of losing her I hardly dared breathe. But she held on, grew on, and before I knew it, the ultrasound technician was exclaiming, "it's a girl!"

Then I blinked and I was in the cold, cold operating room, numb from the neck down. I was calm. So calm. But then I heard her first angry howl and the tears broke free, rushing recklessly down my cheeks.

I blinked again and we were snuggled up together in my hospital room, her perfect little face scrunching up, her mouth gaping open like a hungry baby bird. I stroked her red cheek, heart cracking into a thousand little pieces as I fell hopelessly in love with this tiny stranger.

I closed my eyes for a moment and suddenly we were home. Alone. She was curled up in the crook of my elbow and together we dreamed, living as one being, united against the outside world.

I drifted off and when I awoke, I was chatting on the phone with a good friend as she stared up at the animals on her play gym...and rolled over. Over the moon with excitement, I screamed for Brian and we stared, waiting anxiously for her to do it again...

Then I blinked, and it was time to head back to work. I held her close, drinking in the sweet scent of her hair as the silent sobs wrenched themselves from the depths of my soul.

I put a cool washcloth against my fevered brow, and when I removed it, she was sitting up on her own, playing with a daisy from the garden.

My eyes crinkled with joyous laughter and when the giggles faded, she was creeping across the floor like a soldier in the bush, headed for the nearest treasure trove of illegal playthings.

I dove for her scrambling feet and by the time my belly hit the ground she was pulling herself up on the couch, laughing uproariously as she reached for Kermit's toes.

I rubbed my eyes, sure I was seeing things, and when I took my hands away, she was reaching for me, the word "mama" falling from her lips.

Again the tears started, and I dashed them away as I bent to pick her up. Once she was safely ensconced in my arms, I glanced up at the calendar.

It read April 3, 2010.

Somehow, an entire year has raced by. Somehow, my seven pound peanut has grown into a twenty two pound toddler. She's now a little girl with a ferocious temper, an infectious smile and the ability to steal my heart all over again with a single glance.

Incredibly, my beautiful baby is one.

Excuse me while I go wipe the tears away again.

13 comments:

  1. What a fantastic post! Seems like time went SO slowly when we were younger and in such a hurry to "grow up." Now, it goes MUCH too fast.

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  2. yes. yes, it is so true, they grow up so fast!
    My oldest will be 11 in july.
    I still can't believe it and get teary eyed still when i think she will be entering middle school next yr.
    CRAZY huh?
    Loved this post, though.

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  3. Oh, you reminded me of my life.

    So many things have happened, and I've forgotten about them. How we are all like a book.

    I waited so long for my first baby,too. Finally of all finallys, I had him at 36 years old. I've forgotten about the wonder of it all. How I finally held him.

    Thank you for taking me back there.

    Beautiful, just beautiful.

    Excuse me, while I go and wipe away tears.

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  4. Their birthdays are so emotional, aren't they? Happy b-day to your little girl!

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  5. wow, this is such a fantastic post. happy birthday to your little girl, (and to you too :)

    p.s my due date is today -april 3- i only have about 7 days left but hey, ya never know!

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  6. whoops, i meant i have 7 hours left (in the day)

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  7. That was lovely!!! Happy birthday to your precious little girl. (And good job, Mommy)

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  8. What a beautiful, beautiful post - happy birthday to your little girl!

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  9. This seriously is a great post. Happy Birthday, kiddo!

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  10. Aww, what a beautifully written post and so true. Mine just turned one as well. How is it that a year has already gone by? Happy birthday to your baby girl!

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