For the last few hours, I've been scowling into my computer screen, silently grumbling, "I don't freaking want to write a blog post today. I've got nothing to say. And nobody listens to me anyway." Grumble, grumble, grumble.
And then it occurred to me. I must be PMSing (it's pretty much been a guessing game since the whole hatching a baby thing). Thus, this post idea was born. So, without further ado, here they are, the top ten signs you might be PMSing.
You kinda hate everybody you talk to. Earlier today, I was sitting in a meeting with, oh, ten other people? As they talked, I just kept thinking about how much they annoyed me. And how much I wished they would just. shut. up.
Pants that fit yesterday now give you a decided muffin top. I'm wearing jeans that I swear were loose last time I put them on. Today? I had to wear a baggy ass shirt to hide the floofiness of my belly spilling over the top.
Chocolate becomes an essential food group. I know. It's terribly fattening, and only supposed to be eaten in small quantities. But on days like today? I crave a brownie, or better yet, a brownie smothered by death by chocolate ice cream and dripping hot fudge with every meal (diet? what diet?).
Your body's thermostat seems to be set at boiling. I may only be in my early 30s, but I get my share of armpit drenching, swamp ass inducing hot flashes. I'm sure menopause is going to be a treat.
No amount of sleep is enough. As the mother of an infant, I'm generally tired at even the best of times. But right now, I feel like I could sleep for 24 hours straight (and probably still be exhausted).
Suddenly, every little mess becomes deeply offensive. My husband can always tell when I'm about to go on the rag, because I start cleaning. Everything. It's the only week of the month our house gets anywhere close to clean.
When not simmering in anger, you find yourself deeply depressed. Things that usually don't even phase me become cause for floods of tears. Things like...the fact that I forgot to put socks on my baby this morning. You know, important stuff.
Plus, you really hate the world. What? Did I already say that? Well, I can't stress it enough. Stay away from me today, people.
When not craving chocolate, you find yourself binging on carbs. Science says carbs give us energy and make us feel better. I say they're the only thing keeping me from tearing your throat out.
You really can't be bothered to finish what you start. Things like this Top Ten list, for example. Yep, that's right. I'm done. No clever closing today...I think I'll go look at baby tutus instead.
Better luck tomorrow.