Thursday, March 26, 2009

The Conversation in My Head

AMBER 1: Do you realize that a week from tomorrow, I'm going to have a real, live baby?

AMBER 2: I know. Isn't it awesome?

AMBER 1: NO! I can't be a mom! This can't happen!

AMBER 2: Hate to break it to ya, babe, but it's happening. Unless you want to be pregnant for the rest of your life.

AMBER 1: But I don't know how to be a mom! Shouldn't you have to take a class or some sort of test or something before they let you bring a baby home?

AMBER 2: There was a class. You didn't want to go. You went to Target  and bought hair dye instead.

AMBER 1: See? I'm going to be a horrible mom.

AMBER 2: You'll be fine.

AMBER 1: But I don't even really like babies. All they do is cry, and poop, and cry some more—they can't even tell you why they're crying!

AMBER 2: It's different when it's your own baby. You know you already love her.

AMBER 1: But what if I poke a hole through her soft spot when I'm washing her hair?

AMBER 2: You won't.

AMBER 1: What if I forget to support her head when I pick her up and her neck breaks?

AMBER 2: Don't worry, they're not that fragile.

AMBER 1: Well, what if I put her car seat on the roof and forget about her till I'm driving 55 on the highway?

AMBER 2: One, you never drive on the highway. Two, the cops would stop you before you got that far. Three, you're not going to forget about your baby.

AMBER 1: How do you know? I get pretty spacey when I don't get enough sleep.

AMBER 2: True. Well, just don't leave the house when you get that tired.

AMBER 1: So you're admitting that I'm going to be a horrible mom?

AMBER 2: Huh? I never...Hey, let's go fold all the cute little onesies in her drawer again.

AMBER 1: Okay. At least I learned how to fold properly when I worked in that children's clothing store.

AMBER 2: No you didn't. You still stink at it.

AMBER 1: You're right.


  1. You will be a fine mom, no crazier than any other persons mom.

    You wont' harm her washing her hair because when babies are that young you don't really have to wash their hair, you can just give them a sponge bath or let Kermit clean her off.

    The notion that you are concerned is a great start about being a good mom. Just think of all the people you see on the news where the lady is talking about pimping out her daughter and she explains to the reporter, "I'm a great mom, she's purty and it ok that my 12 year-old baby girl dates men that are in their thirties."

    Your will do fine and besides I have your back.

  2. Amber, you will be a wonderful mom. I found this post to be funny because I think I would have the same thoughts running through my head (and I have before when holding a new baby)! I'm sure it's just your mind trying to catch up with everything that is about to happen. Hang in there...I can't wait for Baby Page to arrive! :)

  3. Just to clarify...I was trying to be funny here! Not that I haven't thought all of these things, but I'm not quite as deranged as maybe I sound...or maybe I am, who knows?

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