My stomach is alive and other random notes.

A couple of mornings ago, I was sitting at my computer, typing away, when I looked down and saw the strangest thing—my stomach was twitching from side to side, all on its own.  It looked like some weird special effect from a sci fi movie or something. I almost expected a little green alien to burst out and start doing the macarena.

Such is life in the eighth month of pregnancy.

Other fun highlights?

Childbirth education class. This week, we talked about the wild and wacky world of pain medication during labor, with a particular emphasis on epidurals. Now, I don't know how much you have heard about this "regional anesthetic," but I can tell you, I now know far, far too much.

I know exactly where in your spine they put it in. How much it hurts (supposedly not at all). All the risks and benefit (surprise, it can kill you!). And, thanks to a teacher who has apparently never heard the phrase "too much information," what the catheter, and yes, even the needle, looks like (big. and scary.).

But, not being a big fan of pain, I'm pretty sure I still want one. I'll just have to make sure my husband's out of the room first—even hearing about it was enough to make him dizzy. I don't think he needs to see it done to his wife. Although, by that point, he might feel like jabbing sharp needles into me himself...

Of course, he probably gets that feeling several times a day. My hormones are, well, a bit crazy lately. So he might find himself getting snarled at if he fails to guess correctly what I want for dinner. Or confusedly grabbing tissues for a suddenly  sobbing me when moments before I'd been laughing my head off.  Or nudging me awake when I drift off mid-sentence.

But at 34 weeks, I make no apologies. I'm doing the best I can, and so is he. I'm sure in the end, it'll all be worth it.

A Valentine's Day Love Letter.

Sixteen years ago today, I sat in a movie theater with my best friend and threw popcorn at the couple making out in front of us. At the time, I was pretty sure I'd finish off my high school career the way I'd spent the rest of it—most likely dateless, definitely boyfriend-less.

Then, two days later, I got the call that, although I didn't know it at the time, would change my life forever. It was Brian, wondering if maybe I'd like to go see a movie that evening.

I was more than a little shocked (he'd had a girlfriend as recently as the Friday before), but I thought he was cute, so I accepted. We went to see Aladdin and then sat for hours in a Burger King, just talking and laughing. It was a fantastic evening.

All told, we went out  four times that week (it was Winter Break)—and by the time school resumed the following Monday, we were a couple. I think everyone around us was surprised at the speed of it—and, quite frankly, so was I.

All I knew was I'd found someone who could always make me laugh, teasing me out of my darkest moods. Who I could talk to about absolutely anything—or nothing. Who had the bluest eyes I'd ever seen—and a darn cute little butt.

I'd found the love of my life, although I didn't know it yet.

We made it through the college years—including a year and a half of long distance dating before my heart called me home. We got engaged in a mall, and married just two weeks after my twenty third birthday. I remember being simultaneously frightened to death and completely overjoyed.

The ten years since have been full of ups and downs. We've bought two houses. Lived in three states. Been so broke we couldn't pay our bills. So lost, we almost couldn't find our way back to each other. And more ridiculously happy than any two people deserve to be.

And now, we're entering a new phase of our lives together. One with a new baby, a new definition of family, and a new, deeper kind of  love.

Someone recently asked me if I still loved my husband as much as I did when I got married. And my answer was "no, I love him more."

Because as a wise woman once told me, we choose who we love. And while we proclaim that choice publicly on the day of our marriage, it's a choice we have to continue to make silently, in our hearts, every day of our lives.

So, I choose you, Brian Christopher Page. For today, tomorrow and all the rest of my life, I choose you.

A Working Preggo's Insecurities.

For those of you who don't know, I work in advertising. Specifically, I'm a copywriter. As in someone who writes all the words in the ads that you see, hear and try to tune out—not someone who approves copyrights.

And advertising, even advertising at small, way-far-from-glamorous shops like mine, tends to be a stressful business. Especially on the creative side of things. The unspoken rule is, you're only as good as your last idea. Or at least your last several ideas, since we all royally suck upon occasion, and you have to be forgiven for the occasional bout of suckitude.

Like it or not, you're also judged on your willingness to kill yourself for the good of the client. To accept insane deadlines, take on more work than you can handle and deliver a stellar product—even if it means you don't sleep for three days.

I've always thrived in that environment. The more pressure you put on me, the better I do. After all, there's nothing like abject fear to inspire brilliance.

But now? Well, at eight months pregnant, I simply don't have the energy. I've turned down three different projects in the last week and a half, just because I know I'm moving too slowly to juggle more than one or two balls at a time.

And as for ideas? Well, so far I'm doing okay, but I'm sure it's only a matter of time before my fogged-up, sleep deprived brain fails to answer the call.

Truth is, I think people are starting to look over and around me. I've already been taken off one account (I can't say I was sorry to see it go, but it still stings).

Soon, I'll be heading out of the office for twelve whole weeks. That's three months. A lifetime in the advertising world.

Will anybody remember me by the time I come back? Will I have any clients left? Will I have a job to come back to?

Rationally, I know the answer to all three questions is yes.  Even if the answer to the first two questions was no, I am more than capable of reminding everyone at the agency of why they hired me—and how proficient I am at kicking ass.

But I'm a quivering mass of insecurity at the best of times. Add in those fabled pregnancy hormones and you've got...well, you've got a mess, that's what you've got.

Is it any wonder it took me ten years to get brave enough to take this step?

Freed From My Comfy Prison.

It occurred to me that I should probably post a quick update, just in case anyone is wondering...the tests came back normal. So I don't have pre-eclampsia (although I'm still not sure what that even means), and I'm not dying.

At least, not as far as they know.

But my blood pressure's still higher than they'd like. So I've been allowed to return to work, but am supposed to be working from home in the afternoons. Obviously, my doctor has never worked in advertising. If she had, she'd know that actually walking out the door before the moon has risen is somewhat of a challenge even on the best of days.

At least, it is when you're as proficient at torturing yourself with guilt as I am. And as good at conjuring up worst case scenarios for every situation—especially in the wake of the lay-offs we had last week.

But I'm trying. So far, I've managed it all of once.

When I do get home, I'm under doctor's orders to live a life of leisure,  lounging on the couch eating bon bons. Well, she'd prefer they were apples, but you know what I mean.

There are worse things, right?

A Short List of Things That Make Me Happy.

I'm now on Day 6 of my doctor-ordered vegetative state, and it's starting to get to me a little bit. In fact, if I let myself, I could spiral down into some serious down-in-the-dumps-iness pretty easily. So I thought I'd post a list of some of the things that are making me smile right now.

• The nursery taking shape upstairs. My husband's been painting away up there, and it's looking pretty awesome if I don't say so myself. It's yellow,  turquoise and green, with a great big sun on one wall and daisies blooming around the closet. It's a happy room if there ever was one—and there's love in every brushstroke.
• The baby kicking in my belly. Okay, so that kind of goes without saying, but with all the trouble she's given me this week, it bears repeating. I especially love the way she kicks me hello when I wake up in the morning—and how she seems to love ice cream as much as I do.
• The snow outside. I'm a Michigan girl at heart, and as much as I hate to admit it, I really do miss the blanket of white that covers the ground there in the winter. So when I woke up to a foot of snow  yesterday, it was all I could do to keep myself from running outside to play like a five-year-old kid. I did get outside fairly quickly—but not until I could come up with a good excuse.
• My furry critters. Quite frankly, I don't know how I'd cope with all this alone time if it wasn't for the furred crew. It seems I've always got at least one curled up by my side, sometimes all three. They make me feel a little less lonely...
• Peanut butter. I think I could eat it three meals a day right now. Is there anything better? I doubt it. They should invent a peanut butter-flavored drink. What? I'd buy it!
• Thoughts of the tropical vacation I'd like to take. Palm trees, white sand, hot sun and the salty ocean air...ahhh, paradise. I'll get back there someday—hopefully sooner rather than later. Surely you're never too young to appreciate a beach vacation?

Do me a favor. Don't answer that.

Darn That Universe Anyway.

Last week, you all had to listen to me moan about how tired I was. And lord knows, I was, and still am, just about as tired as I've ever been in my life. But even from that level of exhaustion, I knew better than to write down what I was really wishing for—permission to sit on my couch all day. Every day. Until this baby is born.

But on a particularly bad morning last week, when I happened to be sobbing my heart out, I may have inadvertently howled, "I just wanna stay hoooooooooome! I'm too TIIIRRRREEEDDDD to do this anymore!"

Yep, I put those words out in the universe.

And guess what? Now I am indeed stuck at home. My blood pressure is too high. And they can't quite figure out why (obviously, they don't know me well enough to know how thoroughly capable I am of  stressing myself out to the point of illness).

Not only am I grounded, I have to spend the next 24 hours peeing into a jug. And, as an extra special treat, I get to get more blood taken tomorrow! Why? Well, because they need to make sure I'm not getting pre-eclampsia. Because that could kill me. And the baby.

Not that I'm stressing about that possibility or anything. Because, that, of course, would be counter productive. Wouldn't it? Yes, yes it would. So, no need to think about it, right? Right. But why didn't I get more life insurance when I had the chance?

What? Oh, sorry. Forgot you guys were still here. Excuse my inner dialog. Ahem.

Yeah, so I'm getting my couch time. But now that I've got it, I don't want it. I just want to be happy, and healthy, and to have a happy, healthy baby—ten weeks from now.

Heck, forget happy. I wouldn't even mind being monstrously grumpy and tired and achey and fat for another two and a half months, just as long as everything turns out okay.

And that, my friends, is why you should always be careful what you ask for. You never know when the universe might be listening.

In the Home Stretch...But Not Close Enough.

According to my super high tech calculations (even copywriters can count days on the calendar), I have exactly 74 days left until the timer pops out and I'm officially done. And that, were I to be feeling rational, would be a scarily small number.

But today? I'm not feeling at all rational. Nope, right now, I'm ready to  get this show on the road. Don't get me wrong. I want her to be as fully baked as possible before she enters the world, but as for actually being pregnant? I'm over it.

Why? Well, gosh, I thought you'd never ask. Here, in no particular order, are my top ten third trimester complaints.

10. I'm tired of being tired. And yes, all you veteran parents out there, I know  I'm about to be a lot more tired, but these pointlessly sleepless nights are getting to me. At least once she's here, I'll have a good reason for being exhausted.

9. I hate maternity jeans. Make that HATE them. And I'm really sick of being faced with the choice of either hitching up my pants every five minutes or wandering around with the crotch around my knees.

8. Hemorrhoids are supposed to be for old people. And that's all I'm going to say about that.

7. I'd like to be able to breathe again. This feeling like I've run a marathon thing every time I climb the stairs, talk too long or chew my food too well is for the birds.

6. Speaking of food, I really miss being able to eat like a normal human. Right now I go from starving to ohmygodI'mgoingtopuke full in about 2.5 seconds. And that stinks.

5. Wine. I miss wine. A lot.

4. Aerobics videos drive me crazy. Real human beings are not supposed to be that perky. Especially while sweating. How I long for a good old fashioned run...

3. I've never been so achey. My back hurts. My hips hurt. I get charley horses. It sucks.

2. I'm going through cute shoe withdrawal. These days, even tying my shoes is tough. I'm not going to even attempt to stuff my bloated toes into my pretty little heels.

1. I want my body back. Sure, everybody says I look cute, but then they have to. I only have to look at the ever escalating numbers on the scale to know they're all LYING!

And that's my top ten list. Thanks for playing along, kids. I promise to try and be more fun the next time I post.